"Sick thoughts"

Thank you for all of your prayers while our team has been here! The last few days have been pretty rough for me, but I am now recovering ... I think. I've been having gastroenteritis (the misnomer is the stomach flu … I've had a whole day alone in a guesthouse by myself too weak to do much but lay in bed). Since I spent so much time in bed, I had a lot of time to pray for the team as they were out in the field and teaching for the first day.

I was asking God why He had me come to Cambodia if I was going to be sick and unable to teach, especially leaving Vermont, my teaching buddy, by himself on the first day. I didn't have an answer. Nathan suggested that maybe God called me here because God is just pleased that I’m here. I agree that being obedient pleases God. Maybe it’s to show the power of prayer, as I felt so much better after a few days because of your prayers. Maybe it’s for me to remember that I often draw closer to God with people and He wanted to show me how to do that alone. Then I remembered during prophetic worship at Blazing Fire Church months ago that I had the vision of being in the shoes of a prostitute in Cambodia needing to hear that God still found her precious, loved her, valued her, and called her daughter. My week last week spent with all the organizations and ministries targeting anti-human trafficking allowed me to come face to face with many former prostitutes and current prostitutes and I tried to pray for each of them.

I think God showed me several reasons and as I reflect more, I think I’ll realize even more.

Of course, the thought did cross my mind about being out of commission, “Really, God!? Again?” (Referring to my first GrX Cambodia trip in 2007 when I sprained my ankle). Even Nathan asked if every time I came back to Cambodia, something bad happened to my health. (For the record, no, I was fine in 2008 and 2009). But at least I had an “again” to think about. Since my first trip here, God has really been growing the seed He had planted in me for my heart for Cambodia, for the marginalized, and answering the question: What do I do about it now that I’m home? Regarding my spiritual walk, each time that I've returned, God has personally spoken to me about my Walk with Him. I once learned that if we’re not moving forward in our spiritual walk, we’re moving backward. There’s no stagnant place. All of my missions trips have rocketed me forward with my relationship with God, but it’s up to me when I return home to use what I learn to share with others, to spark interest in others about what I’v learned and to hopefully join together so that it’s not as difficult by myself. That’s how Steep, the small group, was birthed! God has revealed more of Himself to me not because He wasn't trying to this whole time, but because I had the eyes to see.

God also wants us to see His work as a whole picture. Since my first trip here six years ago, I've gotten to see the drastic change that God has been doing here. One anti-human trafficking NGO we visited, Daughters of Cambodia, didn't start until 2007, the first year we had our Cambodia trip. Now, it’s grown into a well-known, healthy and holistic NGO. Last Friday, we visited World Relief in Phnom Penh. Yen shared about his experience worshiping in Khmer with the staff. When they prayed for us, I got the vision of a flower blossoming from an aerial view, maybe how God sees Cambodia turning into the redeemed country that He intends for it to be.